Tuesday, 15 December 2015

(17) Santa (Sponsor Request)

Dear Santa

Can you help me? I would really like to go into space but not as high or for as long as Tim Peake.

This is how a child would start a Christmas list looking through rose tinted spectacles with their dreams and ambitions still intact, untainted and uncontaminated by the world. I'm not the man they think I am at home. I am a child trapped in an adult's body and I still dream. I'm not the only one.

Although I doubt your existence I believe in belief as a force for good and unfortunately for bad. I want to be good and I want to help others in my own unique way. Please please help me become the first Welsh born UK resident person in space regardless of all my reservations and concerns.

I am scared of heights. I don't like enclosed spaces and I don't enjoy being the centre of attention but I am willing to overcome my fears and even risk my life to do something that I believe in. I pledge to pay £25,000 towards the £100,000 XCOR Space Expeditions ticket price to fly to space and I am looking for commercial sponsors only to bridge the remaining cost. If you are interested in sponsoring me then email here or message me in my Facebook page. I would be eternally grateful. You would pretty much own me.

Why not just spend the £25,000 on good causes?
This is a significant amount of money for most ordinary people including myself. I have never asked for and don't want public donations because these are the very people I am trying to help. I am not rich or famous and I don't have £25,000 but I am willing to borrow that amount because I believe it would be money well spent when you consider the potential payback. The worldwide space industry is predicted to be worth £400 billion by 2030. The UK has ambitions to capture 10% of the market. Just over 20,000 are employed in Wales in aerospace and defence related industries. Universities with research and development linked to hi tech companies are replacing the old heavy industry engines of the first industrial revolution. Wales could even be the location for the UK's first spaceport and once again be the cradle for the next industrial revolution, the space revolution.

I support a spaceport in North Wales not just because it is light years ahead of the rival locations but because the people of Wales deserve it. This isn't just about just bringing tangible benefits like jobs and money into communities. This is about bringing hope. To help inspire the younger generation XCOR Space Expeditions proposed donating a number of talks to Welsh universities if I managed to raise the required ticket price. Dreams and ambitions need to be achievable and there needs to be a purpose. The future needs to better than the past and present and I want to help inspire Wales to be a part of then next tentative steps in space to benefit everyone. Regardless of whether I succeed or not I have asked to be included in a humanitarian mission to Africa in 2016. We are only here for a short time and it would be criminal to not make a difference.

I choose to go to space not because it is easy but because it is hard. It is the most ridiculous, idiotic, impossible thing that I have ever attempted. I am the most unlikely astronaut ever. Unsure and scared, not worthy, out of place, an alien alone in a crowd. The thought of actually succeeding terrifies me.
I am you in someone else but if by some miracle I could make it into space then what could you achieve?

My advice to everyone, old or young regardless of gender, race, religion, sexuality or other demographics is as follows. Don't let go of your dreams. Don't take no for an answer. Don't lose hope. Take small steps towards your dream because even if you don't reach your destination at least you are moving in the right direction.

You have no idea how bright you shine.
Incinerating the void and setting fire to the dark.
Burning brilliantly flawed.

Taffanaut      age 48 ½ yrs

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

(15) The Game Part 2 (Encapsulation)

My heart was pounding and each lungful of air stabbed at my lungs. I was running as fast as I could through cold dark deserted streets dimly lit by the occasional orange glow from a streetlamp. Looking for somewhere to hide. Looking for a weapon. Looking for anything that would help me because I knew that somewhere behind me my ancient bonded adversary was gaining on me. We both sensed that escape was impossible and a showdown was inevitable. We both knew that I couldn’t win. Why was this happening? It didn't make sense. I thought we had some kind of an understanding.
It all seemed so real.

There is a place with no beginning. It never ends. You can see it, hear it, touch it, taste it, smell it but more than that you can feel it and I was feeling this. Panic was starting to build because based on past encounters I already knew this was going to be unpleasant.

The average person sleeps for about one third of their life and allegedly most people have a handful of dreams each night. I have tried to research my dreams and their content but failed to find an exact match for one type. Most dreams seem to be "first person shooter" where you exist as one person doing normal dream like things.

I sometimes have "multi point of view" dreams where I can be more than one entity or can experience the thoughts of more than one "player" individually or in parallel. These dreams can get a little complicated and weird but they rely on some simple rules in order for them to exist. Each person in the dream has their own free will and while you can experience their thoughts and make suggestions for actions to carry out you cannot convey any information to them which they would not normally have access to. A simple example would be a dream containing two people each side of a wall. On one side of the wall is a person who plans to harm the next person they see. On the other side of the wall is a person who plans to see what is on the other side of the wall. I can jump into both of them individually or at the same time and be the nagging voice in their head to suggest a different course of action. I am not able to break the rules of the dream and they inevitably both travel within their predefined corridor of possibilities and I am powerless to stop them meeting.

I turned a corner to be confronted by a derelict house with boarded up windows and doors. One of the boards on the door was missing and another looked loose. I glanced over my shoulder as I pushed the board to one side and squeezed through. There was no sign of it in the street but I knew it was getting closer. There was no point in hiding because it would know where to find me. It knew exactly what I was thinking. It knew because for some reason in this dream I had split into two with each of me able to experience the others thoughts and the other me had been occupied by it.

This wasn't the first time that we had crossed paths but this time I could see into it's mind and what I saw terrified me. Ancient and pure this dybbuk like non-human had one aim and that was to find and kill me in my dream. Something told me that this was no ordinary dream and I was convinced that death here meant death in the waking world. I would appear to be agitated, having a bad dream and then I would simply die and become just another unfortunate statistic.

It is difficult to describe in words intended to describe this world because it isn't part of this world. It doesn't belong here. Darker than the total blackness. Even in a cave a mile underground you would still see it because the very nothingness in front of you would be obscured by it's pureness. You would still see an intimidating tower of darkness with two red glowing eyes. It rarely takes form being of no fixed shape but when it does, the shape it assumes comes from your subconscious. Walls and doors are no obstacle. Time and distance are irrelevant. You can't kill it because it has never lived. These are all constructs of this world. A world in which it does not physically exist and you can never defeat something that doesn't exist.

Sometimes the thin veil of reality weakens and you feel that you may catch a fleeting glimpse of the truth. It is that uneasy awareness of not being alone, of being watched, of being prey. Common sense tells you that there is nothing in the dark but millions of years of evolution have hard wired your brain and fine-tuned your senses to know better, to know something unnatural is lurking there. You only know its true. It wants you to be afraid because fear is nourishment. Your defence is a subconscious response. You talk aloud in the hope of distracting yourself and to hide how scared your really are even though logic tells you that there is nothing there. I made the mistake once of challenging the fear by willing the presence to show itself in the waking world. That's a mistake not to be made twice.

I ran up the stairs in the house to the first floor landing. There was some building work being carried out inside the house and there were various boxes and tools on the landing. As I looked around looking for a weapon I heard the board on the door downstairs being pushed to one side and then slapping back into position. It was inside the house.

I grabbed whatever I could and threw it down the stairs. This was just a desperate stalling move trying to prolong my life. I could sense it reading my every thought. It knew to avoid the falling debris before I had even thrown it. It knew I had looked at one of the doors on the landing and that I had considered going in to try and hide but had then dismissed the thought because I had sensed that it had sensed it in me. A thought race war was in progress with me trying faster and faster to come up with a plan to escape. I tried everything including trying to project false thoughts to confuse it, closing my eyes so it couldn't see through my eyes to see where I was. Nothing worked. I could feel it growing stronger as it got closer and fed off my fear.

I was on the top landing when I heard it climbing the second set of stairs. The stairs were the only escape route and I was now trapped. I looked down to see the other me slowly climbing the stairs. It was me but the face was emotionless and the eyes just stared blankly. As I looked down I saw some tools on the floor including an electric drill which was still plugged in. We both knew instantly. I bent down and grabbed the drill but as I stood up the other me also grabbed the drill and pushed me back against the stair rail.

I was overcome with disbelief that I still couldn't wake up as the drill whined into life and was pushed closer and closer to the side of my head. All the strength I had left wasn't enough to stop this now. My brain was racing frantically trying to come up with another delaying tactic but there was no way out. The drill bit was about two inches away from the side of my head and there was no way to stop it. I was going to die.

So I did the only thing possible. I relaxed my grip and jumped into the other me and pushed the drill into the skull of the me I had just left. The dream ended and I woke up in a twisted mess of bedclothes and was thankful to have escaped once again. This encounter was a number of years ago and as far as I can remember I haven't been tested since. The understanding resumed but the bond still exists and we both sense that this won't be the last time we cross paths.

Taffanaut Log Supplemental (Star Date 270720.203)
You could choose to intemperate this epic recurring lucid multi player dream in a number of ways. Until you do so and force an opinion to take form then all options are possible. I choose to brush over the borderline insanity and concentrate on the following positive aspects. 

My dream, my rules. 
In a dream that doesn't physically exist governed by rules that don't physically exist either you can defeat an opponent that doesn't physically exist by understanding the rules of the dream and turning them around to your advantage.   

You can only live your life within a predefined corridor of possibilities.
You can break the game by understanding the encapsulated rules and by using them against the game to your advantage.

That's the theory anyway.

A theory is an idea.
Ideas, thoughts and beliefs don't physically exist.

Friday, 16 October 2015

(14) Pope

Your Holiness,

I am not particularly religious but I believe in belief which is why a blessing on my attempt to become the first Welsh born person in space would mean so much to me.

The worldwide aerospace industry is estimated to be worth £400 Billion by 2030 and the UK has set its sights on capturing 10% of that market. The figures are impressive but not my motivation.
We stand at a pivotal point in history at the dawn of commercialized space flight with two main companies jostling for position -

  1. Virgin Galactic
  2. XCOR Space Expeditions
I am not rich or famous. I wasn't born into money and like most ordinary people the $100,000 ticket price to get into space is beyond me. 

I am scared of heights.
I don't like enclosed spaces.
I value my anonymity,
 but I am prepared to overcome my fears and risk my life to do something impossible that I believe in.

We have a moral obligation to all life everywhere to take the next steps in space exploration and colonization.

I feel obliged to help give hope to others that the future will be better than the past. That no problems are insurmountable.

I want to help make space accessible
Space isn't just for the elite. Space is for everyone. I want to help claim space for ordinary people.

I want to inspire others
I know that getting to space is the most ridiculous, idiotic, impossible thing I have ever attempted. I am not expected to or supposed to succeed and some people would probably be happier if I failed. If I can make it into space then what impossible ambition can others achieve?

I want to help others
XCOR Space Expeditions pledged to donate talks to Welsh universities if I could raise the $100,000 required for the ticket to space. I want to help Welsh universities and to help inspire students and the younger generation to pursue their dreams as well as raising awareness of the coming changes and opportunities for Wales (in my own unique way). I actively support the siting of the UK's first spaceport in Llanbedr (North Wales). 

As I said I am not particularly religious but I believe in belief and a therefore a blessing would mean a great deal to me. 
If you could also bless the Welsh rugby team in the Rugby World Cup that would also be appreciated. They could do with some help.


Taffanaut     (aged 48½)